Author Archive

Mature Men Don’t Cheat. Here’s Why

Sunday, January 15th, 2017

So many boys, so few real men.

I’m rather pissed off at all you stupid boys, parading about like actual men. In fact, you recently cost me a potentially promising relationship. Because you’ve managed to cheat on so many women and break their trust, there seem to be very few women left who are willing to trust another man.

I have never before cheated on a woman in my life, nor will I ever do so. Unfortunately, very few women seem to believe me. I’m sure I’m not the only man who has come across a similar problem.

I’m certain that plenty of great guys have had to carry the baggage some other douchebag left behind. When you break a woman’s trust, you will never get it back. I really mean never. Sadly, you’re also ruining it for the next guy.

By cheating on a woman, you are screwing her over for the long run – she’ll likely be unable to trust another man for years to follow. Real men don’t cheat. Here’s why:

Real men are emotionally stable.

We usually hear about women having trouble controlling their emotions. Truth be told, men are much worse. While women have the intelligence to share their feelings and discuss their problems (most of the time), men like to keep it bottled up.

Until, of course, they can’t take it any longer and explode. When something goes wrong in a relationship, women may very well cry, they may complain, they may throw tantrums or give you the silent treatment, but men – weak men – pretend like they feel nothing.

Once their cup flows over, they look for whatever release they can. They drink. They smoke. They f*ck. Unfortunately, since they aren’t on talking terms with their woman, they f*ck whatever they can find. Real men deal with their emotions appropriately.

Real men have enough willpower to keep it in their pants.

I’m sorry to have to tell you this gentlemen, but because you are men you are going to want to sleep with every beautiful woman who crosses your path. Literally, every single one.

If you’re a real man, however, you won’t risk screwing up what you have for a brief few minutes in the sack with a woman you more than likely won’t have chemistry with. If you really want sex that badly then why not sleep with the woman who loves you?

If the sex bores you, then do something to make it more exciting. It takes two to tango – if she won’t bring the whipped cream then it’s up to you to do so.

Real men don’t date women they don’t love or don’t believe they can one day love.

Obviously, we all date people we aren’t yet certain we will fall for — if love at first sight exists, it’s rarely the case. However, many will date someone they don’t especially care about simply for convenience.

Why go out to find tail when you can have it delivered? Real men understand that women aren’t objects and therefore don’t use them simply to satisfy their own needs. When they know they don’t love a woman then they cut things off instead of continuing to lead them on.

Real men are respectful.

They treat people with respect when respect is due… especially when it comes to the women they’re dating. Cheating is lying; it’s breaking trust and it proves that you care little about your partner as a lover, friend and as a human being.

To cheat is to act as if you’re better than she is and the fact is that you aren’t. Break her trust and you will never really get her back. I had to learn this the hard way.

Real men don’t need to add notches to their belts simply to make themselves feel like men.

Real men know that they’re real men. They can feel it with every step they take – and more often than not it shows. It shows in their demeanor and in their actions. Too many “men” these days believe it’s laudable to sleep with as many women as possible – as if it were some sort of game, and women are collectables of sorts.

Women aren’t objects, and this game that you’re playing is called life. If you get caught cheating and the stakes are high enough then you can ruin your life.

Real men would never hurt the woman they love.

To be fair, real men would never hurt any woman, but especially not the woman they understand as being an extension of themselves. Real men love and care for themselves as well as those who are closest to them.

If you are lucky enough to have found a woman to love and are luckier still to have her love you back, then do everything in your power to keep her smiling. There is nothing worse in the world than losing a person you love. Mistakes are mistakes… but they aren’t always forgivable.

Real men know what’s important in life – and it’s not another piece of ass.

Proper men are too busy living the life of their dreams to bother with excess. They are working on attaining all that it is that they want in life, but more importantly still, they understand what it is that they really want.

As men, we often want more than is good for us. Only when we get what we thought we wanted do we come to realize the error of our ways. I will tell you right now that there should only be one woman for you.

That one woman who will love you for your entire life is all that really matters. The rest you won’t even remember.

Real men have the guts to break up with a woman.

If you plan on cheating on her then you clearly don’t want to be with her. Grow a pair and break things off. You’re clearly going to do it sooner or later.

Rip that bandaid off and get it over with. Be a real man and not a quivering coward.

Originally appeared at Elite Daily

15 Ways To Keep Your Man From Cheating

Saturday, November 12th, 2016

There is no foolproof way to keep a person from cheating on you, but there are ways you can try to prevent cheating. Threats don’t work and will only create a hostile relationship which makes us prone to checking out other options. Instead, remain positive and focus strictly on making your current relationship even better than it already is. Build the relationship to the point where cheating not only looks like a bad idea, but it would be the worst choice he could ever make.

There are some men who are prone to cheating. They cheated on previous girlfriends and talk about it rather openly. They blame the ex-girlfriends for their own actions. There is no helping these guys and they will probably continue cheating for the rest of their lives.

The average good guy, however, doesn’t go into a relationship wanting to cheat. In fact, he wants a great relationship just as much as you do. So, put away the negative head games and get the relationship moving in a great direction with a prosperous future. If there is too much good to lose, chances are pretty high that he won’t screw things up for a side piece of meat.

15. Tell Him You Trust Him
Do you want to know the quickest way to getting your man to stay faithful to you? Tell him you trust him and tell it to him often. By doing this you are first off letting him know that he is worthy of your trust. Second, if the opportunity comes up for him to cheat on you, he probably won’t because he doesn’t want to feel guilty about betraying you.
I learned long ago to tell people that I trust them. The majority of the people I tell this to have remained truthful friends. Only a few people went out of their way to betray my trust and then I removed them from my life entirely.
It really is that simple. Don’t give a person a reason to cheat on you and give them every good reason to remain faithful. Most people want to do good and you can use this to your relationship’s advantage.

14. Stop The Nagging
He walks in the door and you immediately start in on him, “Why didn’t you call me during your lunch break? I waited for you to call and I texted you at least ten times. Where were you? Don’t you love me? Why do you always do this to me?”.
Thirty minutes later, you bring it up again. This time you drill into his head that he has to call you tomorrow afternoon during his lunch.
By now he is beyond grouchy and you are just being an annoying nag.
Let it go. Seriously. If you love your man, give him some space. He is an adult. If he has time to call you, then he will call you. If you keep bugging him about it, he will start dreading the very sound of your voice.
Nagging is a huge relationship killer and it can easily drive a man to turn to another woman for comfort.

13. Pull Him Back Into The Relationship
He seems to be drifting further and further away from you. When he comes over, he barely talks to you. In the bedroom, it seems like he is a million miles away. Before you lose him completely, you need to pull him back into the relationship.
You can start with a serious talk to find out what has been bugging him and where his head is at. Ask him if he honestly wants to make the relationship work. If he does, ask him what sort of changes he would like to make in the relationship. Find out what his dream relationship looks like in his mind.
Sometimes a serious, heart to heart talk with your man can put you both back on track and remind each of you why you got together in the first place.
On the other hand, if he doesn’t seem interested in working things out with you, then maybe it really is time to call it quits and move on.

12. Flirt With Him
The one thing those in long-term relationships seem to forget is how to flirt with each other. Sure, you guys laugh together, cry together, and are the best of friends, but when was the last time the two of you flirted with each other? Like many couples, it has probably been awhile.
Have you ever watched those sickening couples who are so incredibly in love interact with each other? They are constantly flirting with each other and keeping the thrill of the relationship alive. You and your partner can be like that, too. All you have got to do is start flirting with your man again.
Seduce him into the bedroom or onto the kitchen counter. Rub his leg under the table while at a restaurant. Whisper dirty thoughts to him while you are both visiting his parents. Send him a flirty picture while he is at work.
Let him know, show him, that you are still in love with him.

11. Set Life Goals Together
If you don’t want your man to wander off then it is time to work with him on setting life goals together. Life goals for couples can include job goals where you both support each other’s dreams and it should include housing goals, such as saving for a bigger apartment or a first house.
Couples that set goals together, work on them together. It keeps you and your man focused on what is important in the relationship. There isn’t time for him to check out other women because you both have a solid plan for a good future. Who the heck would want to screw that up? Not a man who knows that there is a bright future with you.
Set up long-term goals and create a footpath to reach those goals. Break the goals down into smaller, weekly or monthly goals and celebrate each victory along the way.

10. Don’t Accuse Him Of It
There is nothing more annoying than being with someone who constantly accuses you of cheating, especially when you haven’t cheated. For example, my ex-boyfriend was always accusing me of flirting with other men or he would accuse me of cheating on him while he was at work. I wasn’t cheating and I never did cheat on him, but that is just how stubborn I am on the subject. If I was a weaker person, I would have proved the son of a gun right and gotten myself a new man to replace his butt.
When you accuse someone of cheating all the time, they are likely to give into the urge to cheat. After all, you already suspect him of it so nothing is going to change if he finds a side piece. You will just keep on accusing him of it.
If you are absolutely certain a man is cheating on you, then leave him. Otherwise, keep quiet and stop bugging him about it.

9. Have Date Nights
Do you spend every night in with your boyfriend? When was the last time the two of you went out on a date? It is one thing to be comfortable enough with each other to kick back and watch Netflix, but it is quite another thing to lose the magic of dressing up and going out on a date.
Going out on dates is an excellent way to keep the romance alive and keep the relationship exciting. The two of you can visit new restaurants or go to the movies together. You will get to interact with other people and other couples. You will witness strange things that will keep the two of you talking for days. It is also a great time to flirt with each other and remember why you got together in the first place.
Never skip out on the dating when you’re in a relationship. It keeps the thrill of being together alive.

8. Be Willing To Try New Things
Doing the same old thing each and every day is boring, especially when it comes to the bedroom. If you really want to get your man’s attention and prevent him from cheating on you, start getting creative. Do some research online on how to spruce up the bedroom action. Bring in the toys and check out the bedroom games you both can play together. Get some lingerie and play dress up.
Be willing to try new things outside of the bedroom, too. Look into hobbies for couples or take up a sport together, such as mountain climbing.
Search the local activity boards for events that the two of you can enjoy together. Try wine tasting, beer festivals, or group walks. There is simply so much you and your man can do together so that you can keep your relationship fun and exciting for the rest of your days.


7. Don’t Let Him Walk All Over You
There is a difference between being an awesome girlfriend and being a doormat. An awesome girlfriend surprises her man and gives in to some of the things he wants. A doormat does everything he wants and lets him take advantage of her.
For example, your man wants to hang out with his best buds every night at the bar. You barely get any alone time with him, unless you are both sleeping. He is taking total advantage of your willingness to please him and he doesn’t see that you want some special time, too.
The awesome girlfriend doesn’t mind her guy going out a night or two each week with his friends, but she insists that he spends the other nights with her. She gives him his freedom, but she demands that he remains committed to the relationship. She shows him that she cares by letting him know that she wants that quality time with him.

6. Give Him Alone Time
Let your man have his personal space where he can go to be alone and tinker with whatever makes him happy. If you can, the two of you can plan daily or weekly alone time to do whatever you want.
You should also give him time to go hang out with his friends without you calling him incessantly. You, on the other hand, can go hang out with your friends and unwind.
Learn to trust him enough to let him do his own thing and work on any pet projects he has. He will absolutely love it and so will you. You will get so much more done during the free time if you learn to give him his space.

5. Your Appearance Matters
Many people think that once they are in an established relationship they can let themselves go. That means no more makeup, putting on a few pounds, and skimping on hygiene. Guess what? That is the quickest way to lose a partner plus it is really unhealthy for you.
If you find yourself slipping on your looks, it is time to take action. Don’t think of it as pleasing your man (although it does), but look at it as an opportunity to be your very best. Brush your teeth twice a day, take a daily shower, and for goodness sake get some exercise.
When a person lets her looks go to crap, she starts thinking less of herself and her man starts to feel the same way about her. Don’t let that happen, and if it already has, make the change today.

4. Surprise Him
It is really easy to fall into a boring routine with your partner. You both get up, go to work, come home, and veg in front of the television. It happens day after day and, honestly, it gets boring.
If you find that your relationship is getting boring, it is time to liven things up. If he gets home from work later than you, cook him a huge feast and serve dinner while wearing some adorable lingerie.
Put on the French maid outfit and start cleaning the house while he is watching television. See how long it takes him to notice.
Throw him a “Surprise, You’re Awesome!” party and invite his friends over for some beer and pizza.
Keep your man on his toes and he will love it. A man who is interested in what’s coming up is not the kind of guy who is going to cheat on you.

3. Have Dinner Conversations
It sounds old fashioned, but family dinners served a purpose. It allowed everyone to get together at least once each day to discuss everything that has been going on.
You don’t need to have kids to have a family dinner. Just plan a dinner time and make it a priority for you and your partner to spend that time eating, relaxing, and talking.
Conversations keep relationships alive. It gives you and him a chance to talk about the day, discuss worries, and share all the great moments. Having dinner together will bring you closer to your partner than going out on date at a noisy restaurant. It gives you both time to unwind and keep each other up to date with work and friendships.
If dinnertime doesn’t work for your schedules, plan a different time to get together. Even if it is just getting together for an hour of breakfast or lunch, it is time well spent.

2. Show Him Appreciation
Day in and day out, we go through life feeling like we are never truly appreciated for all the things we do. Women feel this way and so do the men. Make a positive change in your relationship right now and start to show your man that you appreciate him for all the things he does.
For example, let’s say that you both worked a long day. You don’t feel like cooking tonight, so you ask him to stop and pick up something to eat. He comes home with a big bag of fast food. It’s heaven. The two of you kick back and eat until you are both too full to move. To make the moment so much more special, you look over at him and you tell him thank you. You honestly let him know that you appreciate him stopping to pick up dinner. He will love the appreciation and will no doubt start stepping up more often for the praise you give him.

1. Let Him Know The Consequences
Let your man know from the start that cheating will not be tolerated. You are both adults and if he is attracted to another woman, you expect him to break the relationship off with you before he pursues another woman. Let him know that you would be hurt if he decided he wanted someone else, but also tell him that you would appreciate the honesty from him if he was no longer interested in maintaining a monogamous relationship with you.
If cheating is a taboo for you, it needs to be discussed. You will not take him back if he ever cheats on you. You will never be able to trust him again after an affair. If he wants an open relationship then he needs to let you go and find someone who shares his same values, because you are not into sharing your man.


All credits: Elizabeth Yetter






After Infidelity: 5 Resources for Controlling Your Anger

Friday, October 28th, 2016

Anger Over Infidelity Is A Powerful Force.
As a secondary emotion, anger fills its evolutionary role by setting off physical and emotional alarms when something isn’t right, specifically when a boundary is being crossed or threatened. Anger is the little voice in your head screaming at you to kick ass or kick rocks before something bad gets a hold on you.
Alone, anger is a useful tool in our evolutionary arsenal that keeps us safe by warning us of danger. Turned loose in relationships, anger can flare out of control, wreak havoc, and leave a path of emotional destruction in its wake. Anger in relationships, left unchecked, dissolves the foundation of the relationship and leads to increased tension, development of poor habits, and diminished health and longevity of the relationship.

Our Built In Alarm System. 
When we fail to explain our anger to our partner, we miss the opportunity to let anger do its job, which is protect a more delicate emotion—usually fear—by expressing it and not exploring it. When the anger alarm goes off, it’s time to follow the evacuation plan and root out the underlying emotion.  Here is a pair of examples of triggers that set off our alarms, the vulnerability that may be at risk and possible underlying emotions:

        • Husband comes home from work with beer on his breath indicating happy hour with colleagues.Before your parents divorced you often heard them fighting about your mother’s suspicions that he was having affairs with women he met at the bar after work. You may be feeling: fear of abandonment, fear of betrayal, insecurity, or worry.
        • Husband offers to look out for the kids while you shop for groceries. You come home to find toys all over the house, snack dishes in the sink, a hungry baby, magic marker drawings on the kitchen tile and hubby watching the game on TV. You counted on him to manage the kids and house as you would have, to *ease your work load, not increase it; you would have been better off taking the kids to the grocery store with you.* You may be feeling frustration, annoyance, envy, regret, or loneliness.

If your marriage has become the victim of your husband’s infidelity, these situations may seem either like child’s play or like the trigger for World War III. Old vulnerabilities and underlying emotions my seem irrelevant to you now. You may feel anger management isn’t necessary after your husband broke his vows, your family and your heart. You may feel justified in not controlling your anger and justified in delivering it to him at every misstep he makes until he’s suffered as much as you have suffered. Or you may feel equally justified in exiling him into the frigid wasteland of your deepest silence. You know that you’ll blow up at him eventually, but he deserves the discomfort.


But what are you going to do now?
A very insightful person once said to me, in regard to rehashing old issues and beating dead horses, “It doesn’t matter how we got here; this is where we are. What are we going to do, now, to fix this problem and move forward”?
If you have chosen to stand against the destructive nature of infidelity and stay married, then you have to face up to your anger and process it in real-time, just as you would with any other crisis that triggers your alarm system.
Imagine that the family is suddenly on foot because one of you wrecked the car and the other forgot to make the insurance payment. In that situation, you can be mad at each other, but it does no good to acton that anger. You each have to own up to your part in the crisis, then walk yourselves down to the bus stop so you can get to work and get the kids to school on time. And none of that can wait until you’ve decided who has suffered enough for what.
If you are in it together, you’re in it all the way together. Of course, there has been a breach of trust. Yes! He’s broken your heart and you deserve to grieve the loss of your old marriage even as you are forging the new one. But if you’re not all in it to win it as a team then there’s really no point in being in it at all. Holding on to anger because you think you deserve the luxury of raging against injustice will cause no one more harm in the long run than yourself. The alarm signal that you feel when anger surfaces is critical in saving you after betrayal, just as it was before he cheated.

Heed the warning
Relationships are imperfectly made by two (or more) imperfect people. When situations created by imperfect people cause feelings of anger, it’s important to control those feelings, discover the cause of the discomfort, express that feeling of discomfort or find a healthy way to channel it, and stop anger from manifesting negatively in your relationship. The articles below will help you understand some of the ways you can meet each of these goals when your anger alarm goes off.
Let me know in the comments if you are using any of the advice from these resources, how anger manifests in your relationship (and how you deal with it). Or feel free to vent of some of your anger if you need to.

All Credits:


11 Reasons Good Men Won’t Cheat

Tuesday, October 11th, 2016

Cheating in a relationship is, of course, not monopolized by either gender. Men cheat, women cheat, and according to studies, they have different reasons for doing so.

I don’t think we can necessarily just say “men cheat for this reason, and women cheat for this reason,” though. Each individual person and scenario brings about a reason or reasons of its own. That being said though, I think we need to be careful of blanket statements like all men cheat or all women cheat.

As a man, I can only speak on behalf of my own gender. I have never cheated and would never cheat — but when I say this to people they always ask how I can say I would never cheat? There are plenty of reasons why a good man would never even have the thought cross his mind.

South Africa, Cape Town, Rear view of young couple sitting at beach

A good man appreciates what he has.
Obviously, this is a big reason. The more you appreciate your partner, the more valuable they are to you, and the less you are willing risk losing them or hurting them. When a good man truly loves and appreciates the woman in his life would never act in ways that put his relationship with her in jeopardy.

A good man has evolved beyond his primal urges.
We all have biological urges instilled in us by billions of years of evolution. The desire to reproduce, sexual attraction, so on and so forth. This is often used as an excuse for cheating because “we are not built for monogamy.”
While monogamy isn’t necessarily natural to humans, a good man understands that being natural is not the point. Monogamy is a choice. It is a pledge to the person you love to commit yourself to them, and only them. A good man has the ability to resist his basic urges for the sake of a more important choice he has made for himself.

A good man values love over a fleeting experience.
When you are in a loving, committed relationship with someone, there are far more layers of fulfillment than just sex. A relationship based solely on sexual attraction is a flimsy one that could fall apart at the first challenge; but when two people genuinely love and respect each other, they can weather any storm.
Some people spend their lives searching for that kind of connection. Some find it quickly, some take longer, but when a good man does find it – the thought of throwing it all away for a few minutes of sexual satisfaction (that he could get at home anyway) just makes no sense.

A good man has a conscience.
A simple reason, yes – but a strong one nonetheless. The constant guilt associated with cheating on a woman you love and then having to pretend everything is great when you are around her; I would imagine, is impossibly difficult.

A good man respects the woman in his life.
Cheating is disrespect. It is casting someone else’s feelings aside because of something temporary you want. But not just something you want; something you want at the expense of your girlfriend/wife, and your relationship. Cheating is lying to someone, it is breaking their trust, and those are not things you do to someone you respect.

A good man has grown past adding notches to his bedpost.
A man who is secure and confident in himself no longer has a need to validate his manhood or self-worth by proving he can ‘get the girl.’ Men who are insecure often times need to continue achieving conquests in order to feel like men. Anyone in this position would be better served to simply stay single and sew their wild oats before they choose to commit to someone exclusively.

A good man respects himself.
C. S. Lewis once said: Integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is watching. I think some men stop themselves from cheating simply because they are afraid of getting caught – but good men would stay faithful even if it were guaranteed that nobody would find out if they weren’t.
Why? Because he respects himself. He holds a certain standard for the way he lives his life and the character he has worked so hard to build and maintain. Entering into a committed relationship is not just a pledge to your partner, it is also a pledge that your future self will uphold the promises your present self has made.

A good man doesn’t take the easy way out.
Cheating is the easy way out. It’s the easy way out of a bad relationship. It’s the easy way to escape. It’s the easy way to avoid responsibility for a breakup by doing something stupid and having her end it instead. It is a way to avoid facing your problems rather than standing up and dealing with them like a grown adult.
Not all relationships are meant to last. Breakups happen every day and for all different reasons — but a good man will understand that and take it in stride. If he is in a relationship he knows isn’t going to work, or if the time comes he has fallen out of love and knows he shouldn’t be stringing his girlfriend on any longer, he will sit her down and have an adult conversation with her about his feelings. He will not start acting single while he is still in a relationship.

A good man values his reputation.
In an earlier point we discussed the concept of integrity and how a good man still wouldn’t cheat even if he was guaranteed to get away with it. The reality of it is though, that he is not guaranteed to get away with it. Some do, and some don’t – but the ones who don’t find themselves with a ruined reputation and behind the 8-ball when it comes to trustworthiness.
Being labeled as a cheater is not just about your romantic life, it permeates your entire character and makes people look at you differently. If you would turn your back and betray the person you ‘love,’ how are people with lesser connections with you supposed to take your word for anything?

A good man will never turn his back on a friend.
In a happy, healthy relationship – you are not only lovers, but friends. Best friends. You are each others support systems, teammates, and confidants. A good man will never betray a friend, let alone a best friend.

A good man doesn’t even have time to cheat.
You might be thinking to yourself — that’s not a very good reason…am I saying that if he was less busy or had more time he would be hanging out at the bar trying to pick up women?
Absolutely not — if he was less busy or had more time he would be using that time to find new ways to love the woman he already has. That’s why a good man doesn’t have the time to cheat, because the time he does have is dedicated to the woman he loves. The woman he has committed himself to. The woman who he spends his life trying to make happy.
The woman he sees as an extension of himself. The woman he has tied his emotions to. Hurting her would be hurting himself — and that is something no good man would choose to do.
Cheating is not an accident. It is not something you slip and fall into. It is not an immediate event that nobody saw coming. It requires the same process that any seduction would — an initial meeting, flirting, maybe some exchanging of information, an invitation, an acceptance of said invitation, and then finally the act itself. There are countless chances for a man to say “sorry, I’m in a relationship,” which is exactly what a man who is truly committed to you will do. Every time.

Credit: James Michael Sama

You’ve Just Found Out He’s Been Cheating: Here’s What to Do

Monday, October 3rd, 2016

There’s no doubt about it – being cheated on feels absolutely horrible. No gallon of ice cream or Internet shopping spree can remove the daggers in your heart (not to mention your back). Aside from abuse in a relationship, being cheated on is, for most people, the worst thing one partner can do to the other.

If you have recently found out he’s been cheating, you likely feel betrayed, lost, and alone. In these next moments and days, it is critical that you know what to do—how to handle yourself and keep yourself together.

Friends will offer hugs, gigantic chocolate bars will call out your name, not to mention he might even call out your name when he realizes what a jackass he’s been.  But your goal is to keep yourself together.


Here’s what you need to do to keep yourself sane with your dignity firmly intact.

Cool Off
It doesn’t matter how you found out. Maybe you snooped, maybe he told you, maybe she told you. Whatever the circumstances, take at least a few days to think things through without making contact or accepting any contact from him.
You need this time to gather your thoughts because one of two things is going to happen:

  • You’ll break it off with him.
  • You’ll work it out.

If you end up going with the first option, you’ll want to take the high road. Let him be the cheater. You be the classy one, and make a clean and amiable break. You’ll want to move on to greener pastures with a clear conscience. If you go for the second option and try to work it out, you don’t want to have a belligerent fight and say things you don’t mean in the heat of the moment. So just take the time you need to cool off before you speak with him.

Try Not to Obsess
Once you allow yourself the time to calm down, it’s so important to assess your feelings when your emotions are not high. You need this time to take care of yourself, but you also have to try not to obsess because it can drive you mad.  And guess what? NOTHING good ever has ever come from making assumptions and decisions from obsessive thoughts.  Undoubtedly, you’ll be curious about what went down with the cheating. Who’s the girl? What did they do? How long had it been going on?
First, remember that these are perfectly natural questions to have. And if you truly want the answers, you can ask for them—later. At this point, do your utmost not to let your thoughts run away with you.
If your emotions start snowballing—and they probably will—do your best to pull yourself back to the present moment. If they wander again, don’t criticize yourself. Just return to the present.
To distract yourself, you can try to do some self-pampering things. Head to the spa, have a girls’ night at your place, or try diving into work if that’s what inspires you.

Meet With Him and Have a Conversation
The time to yourself will be well deserved, and hopefully, you’ll have more of a settled mind after you cool off. Now it’s time to talk to your significant other.
You should plan what you want to say and what route you want to take. When you talk with him, be open, and be honest! Say what you mean, and mean what you say. In other words, don’t hold back if you are angry. You deserve to be angry.
With that being said, try to project how you will feel about what you say when it is 6 months from now. You will want to avoid making drastic remarks, such as, “You were never a good boyfriend!” or “You probably cheated with so-and-so, too!”
Stick to what you know, and try to speak with an even tone. It will help you stay calm. There’s no need to be sweet or nice—what he did was bad—but you can still act with dignity.
He will likely want you to hear him out, so try to listen. Ask questions if you want, and take note of his answers.

 Either Break it Off or Work it Out—No In-Betweens
 If you knew going into the conversation that this was the end, that is absolutely okay. Tell him what he did was a deal-breaker, and make your way to the exit. But if after your conversation you still need time to think, for heaven’s sake, take it.
If after speaking with him you evaluate the entire situation and decide that maybe you want to work things out, have another conversation with him. During this talk, make it known that you don’t condone his behavior, but you’re willing to try again. If there are other concerns, voice them. If you have stipulations, tell him.  Don’t assume he’ll know what you want. Also listen to what he has to say.
Whatever you do, make a solid choice that you feel works for YOU, and make a commitment to move forward.   Because this is where many women get stuck.
Often, women say they want to work on the relationship, but they don’t recommit. They bring up the cheating time and again even when their recommitted partner is really making an effort. If you want to stay together, do it.  If he is actively trying to work on your relationship, don’t dredge up the past.
Keep in mind that working with a relationship or marriage counselor will greatly facilitate the understanding and healing process in your relationship so that you and your mate can move forward in the healthiest manner possible.  Your relationship is going to need help getting past a betrayal so be proactive in seeking that assistance.

Covet Your Confidence
Last but not least, no matter which way you go—if you stay together or break up—remember to take care of you. Being cheated on feels awful and it can wreak havoc with your self-esteem, but it has nothing to do with your merit as a wonderful person. Remember your strength and confidence, and cherish yourself for who you are.

How to Know if He Really Loves You
Too many times women get love confused with other words and actions from men which make women feel as though their partners love them.  Only that they don’t.

Good Luck!